Ten minutes after my divorce was final, I decided that I’d waited long enough to go looking for the woman of my dreams. Or, at least the next woman of my dreams. The first one was the sausage jockey I left in 1973 after I came home early and caught her playing “Twister” in the buff with the UPS driver.
I heard from my friends that dating in the 21st Century might be a tad different than I remember it. Guys don’t cruise the boulevard looking for chicks at the malt shop anymore and it’s not cool to leave large hickies on their necks. So, I decided to do some research before I got busy.
The Internet has made dating infinitely easier than it used to be. Thanks to my Comcast account, there’s no longer any need to shower and stumble up to my date’s front door with sweaty palms. I can cut right to the chase from the comfort of my Lazy Boy while eating Doritos in my underwear. Through the wonders of online dating, I can pretend to be anyone I want to be – just like all of the divorced Betties spending their Friday nights glued to the computer screen. There are thousands of helpful articles to help you navigate the world of cyber-necking. Online dating is safer and easier than traditional dating because you never have to worry about actually coming into physical contact with people. By the time they’ve figured out who you really are, they’ve probably already taken out a temporary restraining order against you, blacklisted your email address and changed their telephone number.