Browsing Tag


All Entries Home Life Humor Romance

Expelled from!

June 16, 2017

I haven’t been on a date in years. And, for good reason. By the time I endure the excruciation of the hunt, anticipation of the first date, the cost of dry cleaning my best leisure suit and trying to figure out what base I’m on, it’s just not worth it. It’s much easier just to stay at home and pretend I’m having a good time by trolling the online dating scene and taking care of myself.

Last year I enrolled at using the pen name of “MrMarvelous” just to see if there was anyone out there as desperate as I was to meet their perfect mate. After blowing off an entire day’s work perusing the women within 100 miles of my zip code, seven major metropolises and all of the neighborhoods I’ve ever lived, it became readily apparent that of the 40 million single men and women who subscribe to on-line dating services, most are looking for the same thing – and their profiles reflect it. So, to leverage myself against my male competitors and attract more than my fair share of the lovelier sex, I decided to create the following original member profile to flaunt my rapier wit. After all, isn’t that what women want: a man with a sense of humor? read more

All Entries Family Home Life Humor Romance

My Sizzling Russian Bride

December 11, 2016

By the time I found Svetlana, I knew I was in love. Having been tossed off all the run-of-the-mill American online dating sites like Farmersonly, GothicMatch, STDFriends, CougarWomen, DirtyEncounters and, I finally resorted to trolling for eastern European women on That’s where my troubles began.

After combing through thousands of profiles of beautiful Russian women, I settled on someone I thought could be “the one.” Svetlana was a voluptuous 27-year-old dental hygienist from the small village of Trochenbrod. According to her profile, she was college educated, spoke “some English” and loved reading, cooking, photography and pole vaulting. Her carefully crafted message read, “Hi. I’m Svetlana. I’m womanly Russian single who is very communicable, counterbalanced and without bad habits. I like to meet lusty man in high social position to create family. I come from gay family, am sporty, well provided and would be orderly wife. I would love to make your intercourse.” read more

All Entries Family Home Life Humor Romance

The Real Secret to Using On-line Dating

December 7, 2016

It’s Saturday night around 11:30 and I’ve been telling Carol about the time I visited Nepal while on break from Harvard Medical School. I was telling Leslie how much I excel at skiing the steeps in the Chugach mountain range and Sharon and I were engaged in a long discussion about our favorite restaurants in Tuscany. All from the comfort of my living room.

I haven’t been on a date in over five years; ever since my wife left me for the Bowflex repairman. So, it’s easy to understand why I’ve so grown comfortable with sidling up to women through,,, and Plentyof – while wallowing in the safety that only deception and miles of distance can provide. But recently, I’ve started to grow suspicious of the women I’ve been meeting after reading their on-line profiles. They all seem to sound suspiciously the same.

So, after more than 45 minutes of exhaustive research, I came up with an interpretive approach for anyone hoping to find “Mr. or Ms. Right” over their wireless network. read more

All Entries Entertainment and Show Business Home Life Humor Romance

You Can’t Compete with a Serial Killer

August 11, 2016

Barbara Tedesco was easily the hottest girl in my Poli Sci class. She was so hot, her aura screamed, “Don’t even bother to hit on me until you get your nose fixed, lose those ridiculous glasses and buy a new car.” So, when I ran into her several years later, I was surprised she remembered my name, let alone that she took the time to strike up a conversation. I should have known she had ulterior motives.

“How would you like to be a contestant on ‘The Dating Game?” she asked.

After graduation, Barbara took a job as a production assistant with the ABC Television Network in Los Angeles. They produced the popular dating show and sent Barbara out fishing for unsuspecting young bachelors like myself willing to embarrass themselves on national TV. At the time I was a daft 21-year-old ski instructor living in Big Bear Lake – a mountain community two hours outside of L.A. – so I was an easy target for a gorgeous production assistant who promised wealth, women and adventure.

“The Dating Game” was the televised equivalent of Produced by Chuck Barris (who went on to popularize other high quality programming like, “The Gong Show,” “How’s Your Mother-in-law?” and “The Newlywed Game”), it first aired on December 20, 1965 and was televised on and off until the late 1980s. I was abducted by the show during the spring of 1972 and went missing for nearly a month. read more

Subscribe to Blog via Email

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.