Browsing Tag

bank

All Entries Business and Work Humor

The Mother of All Boredom

December 7, 2016

I have no idea why the bank hired me. Apart from a warm body and pulse, I didn’t have a thing to offer Ferneyhough Savings. They didn’t have much to offer me, either. Unless, of course, you count the $9.65 an hour entry level tellers make. To be honest, I didn’t even want the job. I was just trying to survive until ski season.

Bank tellers are a dying breed that have succumbed to a lethal combination of online banking, electronic deposits and Square Cash. Unlike my counterparts of the 1950s who actually worked for a living, I spent the majority of my day staring into space. Occasionally, a waitress would come in with a wad of cash and $234 in loose change she collected from tips. Once in a while, a kid would want to cash in his piggy bank, but that was about it.

This wasn’t the first boring job I’ve had. I’ve worked dozens of dead-end gigs while working my way through college. I’ve counted ball bearings, patrolled Six Flags parking lots in a chicken costume, watched paint dry, and inspected plastic tubing. At least with those jobs I was doing something. Figuring out ways to look busy as a bank teller was a whole new slice of pizza. read more

All Entries Crime and Punishment Humor

Bank Robbery Made Easy

April 11, 2016

It’s almost autumn and I’ve managed to fritter away my entire recreation fund on useless things like rent and utilities. I’ve also gone completely through my savings, 401(k), inheritance and half of my frequent flyer miles. Barring an unexpected windfall, I may have to start selling off body parts and fluids or resort to getting a regular job. Or, robbing a bank.

I’ve thought about robbing a bank before, but it’s not easy to do when you live in a small town. After all, if it was, everybody would be doing it. There are a lot of unique deterrents. Just about everybody in town knows who you are and what you wear (“Oh, you mean the Smith kid… Margaret and Lester’s boy who always wears that dirty baseball cap?”). And, unlike the 1930s, you can’t just drive up to the front of the bank like Bonnie and Clyde – you have to use paid, public parking structures. Driving around and around in circles after you’ve heisted bags of cash sort of defeats the purpose of a quick getaway. read more

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