Bugtussle, Kentucky – In an unprecedented event that challenges societal norms and legal boundaries, a retired Polish ski instructor, Wojciech Nowakowski, announced his wedding to his male cat, Dewie, after a two-year courtship. The decision, while unconventional, speaks volumes about the depth of their bond and the breaking of barriers in modern relationships. Wojciech, a former adventurer with a fondness for life, met Dewie, a charming tabby, through an online dating service called The Waggle and Woof Society. Their relationship blossomed beyond the usual pet-owner dynamic, leading to this unique matrimonial decision. Wojciech, initially hesitant about same-sex unions and aware of the legal complexities of interspecies relationships, decided to proceed…
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Edgar’s Last Lick A Dewie the Cat Investigation
It was 2 AM, and the phone rang, jolting me out of my dreams. With a voice as smooth as silk and as steady as a heartbeat, I introduced myself. “Cat. Dewie the Cat.” On the other end of the line, Detective Hull, sounding as weary as ever, said, “Dewie, we need you.” That’s all it took. I was up, pulling on my flea collar, headed to the scene of a crime that would rattle our small community to its core. The Victim: Edgar, the Beloved Maine Coon Cat Edgar wasn’t just any cat. He was a fixture in our town. A nine-year-old Maine Coon with a personality as big…
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ChimpMingle.com I'm looking for a female in heat. Are you out there?
Hi ladies. My name is Mr. Gonhorrhea. Well, that’s not my real name. ChimpMingle told me to make up a catchy alias for my dating profile that describes something interesting about myself, so I went with that. I’m new to this whole online dating thing. I much prefer picking out a female in heat and climbing onto her backside. But, my therapist told me if I ever wanted to make it outside of the rainforest and make something out of myself, I’d have to refine my approach to dealing with chimps. That’s why I’m here on ChimpMingle.com. We spent our days taunting the gorillas and orangutans next door, digging out…
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Paws & Whiskers A Veterinarian Unravels the Cat Conundrum
“Life without a cat is like a sandwich without cheese – bland, unexciting, and utterly lacking in the joy of a good, hearty cheddar.” – Evangeline Higgledypiggledy I am thrilled to introduce my brand new advice column, “Paws & Whiskers: Unraveling the Cat Conundrum.” Hopefully, this column will serve as your guide to the perplexing world of cat ownership, tackling the most puzzling questions, and providing you with the answers you never knew you needed. Whether you’re a first-time cat owner or a seasoned cat whisperer, this advice column will enrich your feline-filled life with knowledge, laughter, and perhaps even a newfound appreciation for that catnip-stuffed mouse toy that always…
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Burmese Python — It’s What’s for Dinner! Large Asian serpents join feral hogs, swamp rats and maggots on restaurant menus
Daisy slithered out the back door last night. Just like her uncle Bert did during the summer of ’79. If it weren’t for the fact that she’s an adorable eighteen-foot-long Burmese python weighing nearly 300 pounds, none of Daisy’s neighbors probably would have cared. But when she quickly gobbled up all the neighborhood foxes, limpkins, and rabbits, things quickly took a turn for the worse. Overnight, raccoon sightings were down by 99.3%, opossums by 98.9%, and white-tailed deer by 94.1%.[1] She’s even been known to take down animals as large as alligators, deer, and powerboats with outboard Evinrudes. More than 6,300 snakes have been captured so far, and if they…