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Animals

All Entries Animals Business and Work Entertainment and Show Business Humor Pets and Animals

You Can’t Teach an Old Flea New Tricks

April 20, 2017

If you’ve ever tried breaking into show business, you know how hard it can be. There are countless auditions, disappointments and the relentless competition from other actors. Maybe you should try it as a flea!

The Birth of the Entertainment Industry

Records of the earliest flea circuses date back to 14th Century Asia, but they didn’t hit their apex in popularity until the 16th Century in Great Britain. While there are over 2500 species of fleas, Louis Bertolotto found only the females of the Pulex Irritans species worthy of a place in his line-up: “…I have found the males to be utterly worthless, excessively mulish and altogether disinclined to work.” Hmmm… some things never change.

In the beginning, finding fleas to audition for parts in his show was relatively easy – largely due to poor hygienic standards and the number of mangy dogs running free in the streets of London. But, as people began to bathe regularly, circus owners had to pay as much as half a crown per flea. Considering that the average life span of a flea was only several days to weeks, this represented a very poor return on their investment. One circus owner who toured Europe with his traveling show depended on his wife to send him new shipments of entertainers in envelopes through the mail. That worked well until Postmasters began vigorously hand stamping all letters and parcels. read more

All Entries Animals Health Humor Medicine The Great Outdoors

Toad-ally High

April 20, 2017

If you think you’ve already tried all of the traditional ways of getting high such as alcohol, marijuana, cocaine, ecstasy and are looking for a new disgusting, unhygienic way to leave the planet earth for a while, then look no further than the banks of the Colorado River.

Hopping along the river’s shores in southern Arizona, California and northern New Mexico, the “Bufo Alvarius Toad” (also called the “Cane Toad” or “Colorado River Toad”) would otherwise be in danger of being a wolf’s or Gila Monster’s main course if it weren’t for a highly toxic venom it produces whenever it gets agitated – the same venom that can get you high as a kite if properly ingested.

The venom produced by the Bufo Alvarius Toad is a concentrated chemical called “bufotenine” that also happens to contain the hallucinogen, “5-MeO-DMT.” Ingested directly from the toad’s skin in toxic doses, bufotenine is powerful enough to kill dogs and other small animals. However, when ingested in other ways – such as smoking – the toxic bufotenine  burns off leaving only 5-MeO-DMT that can produce an intense, albeit, short-lived rush that has been described as “100 times more powerful than LSD or magic mushrooms,” even if it takes a lot more work to get it. read more

All Entries Animals Family Home Life Humor

I Remember Hugh

December 18, 2016

We lost Hugh today. Somehow, he managed to slither out of our second-story bathroom window and was run over by an 18-wheeler carrying a load of chickens headed for a KFC. Considering the amount of time he spent futiley chasing birds, it was a humiliating end to an otherwise, distinguished life. The only thing that could have been worse was if he had been flattened by a truckload of squirrels.

Nevertheless, we’ll miss Hugh. But, it was his time to go. After all, he was 12-years-old and beginning to show early signs of dementia. From time to time, he’d confuse his water dish with his litter box, so he’d foul his water and walk around the living room with litter crumbs covering his lips.

I bought Hugh for my girlfriend, hoping that he would provide her with companionship while I was away at work. Unfortunately, he took an instant disliking to Natalie and spent the bulk of his days asleep behind the refrigerator licking his balls. That is, when he wasn’t spraying the couch or her expensive suede pants. read more

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